Twinfinite Staff
Estus Flask – Dark Souls
In theory, one swig from this from this flask will restore some easily depleted health. In reality, however, expect to consume all available charges in a feverish craze as you postpone your impending death.
Pokemon Centers – Pokemon
Even when your level 9 Zigzagoon gets bodyslammed by a level 87 Snorlax, a few seconds in any healing station operated by Nurse Joy will perform wonders.
Phoenix Down – Final Fantasy
Nobody will blame you if you succumb whilst battling a vicious creature eleven times your size. Heck, if you’ve got a Phoenix Down on hand to revive fallen squad members, nobody will even notice!
Mushrooms – Super Mario
They will make you grow, throw fireballs, or even sprout a wiggly tail. That’s one hell of a hallucinogen, but hey, even Italian plumbers have to unwind every now and then.
Green Herbs – Resident Evil
Plants can really do anything, including heal infectious zombie bites.
Painkillers – Max Payne
We’re not too sure how one or two painkillers can heal a shotgun blast to the chest at point-blank range, but seeing how Max’s infamous alcohol abuse in combination with frequent overdosing on meds hasn’t cost him his life yet, we might as well just accept it.
First-Aid Kit – Left 4 Dead
Remember, kids: should you ever get your chest violently torn apart by a ravaged infected, or if a massive, mutated tank sends you flying with a swift punch to the abdomen, wrap yourself in some bandage. It’s bound to do the trick.
Golden Apple – Minecraft
By Minecraft’s logic, coating vigorous fruit in an indigestible layer of pure gold will greatly boost its health effects. It won’t only obliterate your teeth, but it’ll likely cause a plethora of infections and lacerations on the way down.
Nuka-Cola – Fallout
Thirsty? Free from that nasty radiation? Nearly got your very being blown to Kingdom Come by a suicidal mutant twice your size? One bottle of good ol’ Nuka-Cola will fix all that!
H.E.V. Suit Charger – Half-Life
When you really think about it, an H.E.V. suit is a lot like an iPhone. It comes with a flashlight and a battery that drains at a ridiculous speed, with the main differences being that an H.E.V. suit recharges way faster and quite possibly doesn’t run on iOS.
Maximum Tomato – Kirby
When you consume as many indigestible items as Kirby does, it’s probably wise to snack on some vitamin-rich tomatoes every once in a while.
Chicken – Streets of Rage
Just a tip: when you’re in a nasty brawl inside some rainy alley, don’t just eat chicken off the asphalt. You know what poorly cooked chicken grants you with besides the necessary proteins? That’s right, salmonella.
Rations – Metal Gear
Nothing quite says “tactical espionage stealth action” like stuffing your face with MREs while you’re avoiding detection by crawling into claustrophobic spaces. Just take it easy on the rolling after each meal, Snake.
Sweet Rolls – The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Punch a bandit in the neck with a sword, halt the battle, and stuff your face with a bunch of sugar-rich deserts. Rumor has it 98% percent of fights in real life play out in largely the same way.
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